N.B.: This test is designed for single males (a category to which the author belonged when he created it [c. 1990]) . Please excuse the inherent gender bias, the slight political incorrectness, and its various other failures.

Do You Have a Mathematical Personality?

Answer each of the following questions about yourself as honestly as possible, then follow the instructions at the end.

1. If I saw a man fall on the sidewalk, rendering him unconscious, I would
a) take his wallet.
b) take his wallet, because it might have ID, as well as phone numbers of a doctor and relatives I could notify.
c) take his wallet, because his driver's license would have his height and weight, which I could use to calculate his momentum on impact.

2. My most heartwarming memory from childhood was when my parents gave me
a) my first two-wheeler.
b) my first chemistry set.
c) my first table of natural logarithms.

3. The last book I read was by
a) Stephen King.
b) Stephen Hawking.
c) CRC.

4. On my income tax forms, I enter amounts
a) in dollars—that is, my accountant does, I think. . . .
b) precisely, in dollars and cents.
c) in multiples of e dollars.

5. At a party, I like to
a) ask everybody what their sign is.
b) count the number of people in attendance.
c) ask everybody what their age is, and then tell them its prime factorization.

6. When I see a beautiful woman, my first urge is to
a) put my arms around her.
b) put my arms around her, and in the process make a quick estimate of her upper-torso circumference.
c) same as b), I guess . . . but really, wouldn't it make more sense to cut her open, measure her diameter, and multiply by ?

7. Cindy Crawford turns me on because
a) she's one beautiful babe.
b) she seems intelligent and articulate.
c) the numbers of letters in her first and last names are consecutive elements of the Fibonacci sequence.

8. I think personality tests like this are
a) just so cool!
b) a harmless diversion.
c) great, because you can count the number of letters in all the questions and extract the cube root.

Total your score, giving yourself no points for each "a," 1 point for each "b," and for each "c."
If you scored...
No points: You're normal and probably very popular. Your kids will all be mathematically and scientifically clueless, just like you.
1 to 8 points: You're moderately functional in math, and correspondingly less popular. But your conversations display a modicum of intellectual curiosity. Learn more about math—you might enjoy it!
8.1 to 19.9 points: You're highly functional in math, so your friends are few, except on April 14, when everybody's asking you for help with their taxes. You own a calculator. Over 15 points, you once owned a slide rule. Over 18 points, you probably named it.
points: Why bother writing anything here? You're still compiling statistical data on the lengths of the words in Question 1.

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