"I'm quite a supporter of my team," said Tom, yea, verily. "They're behind now, but they'll come back in the fourth quarter," he said laterally. "No, they won't," came the reply, orally.

"I fought the Kaiser's troops at Flanders in 1918," said Tom warily.

"We've bonded with a baby girl. We're gonna go pick up the kid at the adoption agency," said Tom and Thomasina, totally together.

"I don't have enough ceramic squares to cover the bathroom floor," said Tom futilely.

"There aren't any enclosed shopping centers in Dublin," said Tom O'Malley.

"Time for din-din, Whiskers," said TOM CATtily, openly, cannily, fortunately, and literally.

"This low-calorie beer is brewed from the waters of an Italian river," said Tom politely.

"Mr. Costello and Mr. Caesar, together again," said Tom lucidly.

"It's illegal to park our ship here," said Tom cantankerously.

"I'll try that number again," recalled Tom remedially.

"I'll irritate Mr. Tarkenton's ribcage," said Tom frantically. "Then I'll do the same to Mr. Kelly," he added genetically. "Try this spot," responded Gene heretically.

"Yeah, sure, I'll pay off those promissory notes I filled out in October for the balance on the cooling system," said Tom fallaciously. "But look! Somebody tore them up. I guess I'll have to tape them back together," he added mendaciously.

"Without opening my mouth, I'll match the pitches of the two lowest guitar strings," said Tom humbly and humanely. "Then I'll say the syllables for the pitches of the two lowest violin strings," he added sorely.

"I'll pay Tim Duncan and David Robinson later," said Tom spuriously.

"I'm a banana, I swear," said the fruit fly.

"I keep a picture of my boyfriend on my necklace," said Thomasina independently.

"I've chosen a patient for the world's first human heart transplant," said Dr. Barnaard incidentally.

"I've identified the cause of the one-time South Vietnamese president's lower-back and leg pain," said Dr. Tom enthusiastically. (N. Thieu's sciatica?) "I'll give him a buzz this afternoon while he's napping," he added enthusiastically. (N. Thieu's siesta call????)

"I'm taking the high-school equivalency exam so I can one day go to vet school," said Tom doggedly. "Well, I'M taking the high-school equivalency exam so I can one day go to divinity school," replied dyslexic Thomasina doggedly.

"We've wiped out the enemy," said Minuteman Tom notoriously.

"I'll lease out my doghouse," says Tom currently.

"I'll continue being an advocate for our oceans," said Jacques Cousteau formerly.

"I've lost my copy of that Debussy piano piece," Tom declared loonily.

"I've entered the oral surgeon's office," said Tom incidentally.

"Somebody put sandpaper on my toothbrush," said Tom coarsely, gritting his teeth.

"I'm reading a Poe poem," Tom bellowed. ("Bell" ode?)

"We've thrown out Emperor Nicholas," said Russian Revolutionary Tom sarcastically.

"My company's product slices, dices, runs perpetually, and brings about world peace," came Tom's reply.

"That cooling system commercial is on, Auntie. I'm watching it now," said Dorothy academically. (A/C ad, Em, I see??)

"I'm not angry any more," said Tom nomadically.

"I've made a friend," said Tom formally. "I'll tell my other friend," he added informally.

"I'm moving to Kansas," Tom stated flatly.

"Until my furniture gets moved in, I guess I'll just have to eat over the sink," said Tom notably.

"I could tell fantastic tales of my exploits as a military pilot," said Tom affably.

"I'll pay you later for those apples," said Tom maliciously.

"I'm speaking in my brother's behalf," said Tom forcibly.

"For your final scene as Joan of Arc, we'll cover your forearms with asbestos," said director Tom uncharacteristically.

"I shall perform an aria from Carmen," said tenor Tom opportunistically.

"I'm sick of potato chips," said Tom lazily.

"I intended to sound haughty," said a stooge momentarily.

"Look! It's Rhames!" said fan Tom lovingly.

"Would you be available to sub for me at the school for the deaf?" asked Tom significantly.

"I pitted the Bings," said Tom exceedingly cheerily.

"Hey, you morons! I didn't order white bread with my pastrami," said Tom deliberately and wryly.

"What nitwit sent this card from Tokyo two weeks after my birthday?" Tom berated.

"I'm here to spray for bugs in the intensive-care unit," said Tom ridiculously.

"OK," said dyslexic Tom unconsciously.

"OK," said dyslexic Muhammad Ali.

"I'm from Jamaica Union," said reggae Tom uniformly.

"If I only had a rain," said Farmer Tom drily, and scarecrow Tom nobly.

"50 and single," said lonely Tom.

The following paragraph was my entry to a contest on The Atlantic online site in 1997. The challenge called for New Year's resolutions in the form of Tom Swifties.....
"I'm going to take the SAT this year," Tom said testily. "I'm not going to repeat my scores from last time," he said unremarkably; "I'm going to do better!" he added pointedly. "I'll apply to a couple of Ivy League schools," he Yaled Pennsively, "and I fully intend to get in," he admitted. "When I get there, I'll meet my dream girl," he proposed, at first engagingly, then merrily. "We'll have a kid—a boy!" he said hospitably, laboriously, and sunnily, "and he'll turn out to be the spittin' image of his dad," he said genially.

"I'm taking a nap," Tom lied.

"I don't like the looks of that African beast," said Tom hypocritically.

"Would you like some fresh fruit?" asked Tom with aplomb.

"This steak is bland," said Tom distastefully. "Should I bring some Worcestershire?" replied waitress Thomasina saucily.

"I'll have the chicken soup with matzo balls, lox and bagel, latkes, kreplach, chopped liver, and gefilte fish," said Tom judiciously.

"We had a pillow fight," said Tom, downcast.

"I know the name of the commander of the Confederate forces in the Civil War," said Tom generally.

"I have to tip my cap to you," said Tom baldly and overbearingly.

"I'm having octuplets," said Thomasina overbearingly.

"You are not going out in those shorts and that skimpy top," said Thomasina's parents overbearingly.

"Today we'll be flying above St. Louis and Paris," said pilot Tom overarchingly.

"I will now read one stanza of "My Tabby,'" said Tom catastrophically.

"Might as well recite some poetry while I'm waiting in line to mail this package," said Tom apostrophically.

"I'm afraid that tuna I ate may not have been dolphin-safe," said Tom purposefully.

"I'm Henry VIII, I am," said Henry achingly.

"My six brothers and sisters live in Rome," said Tom visibly.

"My sister lives in Providence," said Tom risibly. "She's a big Ram fan," he added gorily.

"Did somebody around here lose some sheep?" asked Bo Diddley.


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